The Success Secrets: Stop Worrying About What Others Think!

The Success Secrets: Stop Worrying About What Others Think!

 

Guest blog post by Morty Lefkoe

 

Today’s Success Secrets blog post is our first ever guest post.  I started corresponding with Morty Lefkoe after I read a terrific post on his blog recently.

His post was all about how our language determines our reality, a topic of deep interest to me that we’ll cover in the future.  After a few emails back & forth, Morty has kindly agreed to do me a big favor & share his thoughts on a key element of the Success Secrets: Stop Worrying About What Others Think.

 

I hope you like this as much as I do.  And now, our guest blogger, Morty Lefkoe!

Stop worrying about what others think

 

Do you often walk away from people thinking, “Did I say the right thing?  “Did I offend someone?” “Should I have said or asked…?”

Do you frequently hear that “little voice” in your head saying: “What will they think?”

Do you often feel you need to be a certain way and you can’t just be yourself?

Most people are concerned about what others think about them and many say and do things just to get the approval of others.  These thoughts and behaviors seem to be so much a part of who we are and are so common in others that we assume that they are just part of being human.

In fact, however, you can eradicate these thoughts and behaviors forever. 

How?  By eliminating the beliefs that cause them.  Although this problem can be caused by different beliefs in different people, there is one specific belief that anyone with this problem almost certainly has: “What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.”

Today, I’m going to tell you how this belief is formed, why so many people have it (maybe even you) and how getting rid of this belief will transform your life.

Early in life many of us form negative beliefs about ourselves like “I’m not good enough.”  (Almost every one of the 13,000 clients we’ve had from over 50 countries around the world has had this belief.) Because most parents expect children to do things that are unrealistic for their age (such as be neat and quiet and come when called at the age of three or four), and because most parents get frustrated, annoyed or angry when their children don’t do what they’re told, most children conclude “there must be something wrong with me” if mom and dad are upset with me so often, or “I’m not good enough.”

Because our beliefs about ourselves are usually formed during the first six years of life, most of us already have this belief when we leave our homes and go out into the world of teachers, other kids, school, etc.  Obviously a belief like this would make us think as we start school: “How will I get people to like me and how will I make it in the world if I’m not good enough?”

And those thoughts, in turn, would lead to us feeling “not okay” about ourselves and anxious to some extent.

And then one day a solution appears.  We do something that our parents (or perhaps a teacher or coach) like and they give us a very positive response.  How does that make us feel?  Happy and very good about ourselves.

The first few times that happens we feel good but don’t make anything of it.  And then after this progression of events occurs a few times we conclude: If I didn’t feel good about myself, and then after getting praise and/or positive attention I do feel good about myself, what that means is: “What makes me good enough or important is having people think well of me.”

This is a very special type of belief.  It is a belief that tells us what needs to happen in order to experience being okay.  And when it doesn’t happen we don’t feel very good about ourselves.

Well, if we don’t experience being good enough the way we are and we need something outside ourselves to become good enough, how often would we want that outside something to occur?  All the time!  Anytime anyone doesn’t like us, rejects us, or thinks poorly of us, we have lost our “survival strategy,” our method for making us feel good about ourselves.  At that point the underlying belief: “I’m not good enough,” is uncovered and stares us in the face, leaving us feeling not good enough and producing some level of anxiety.

As a result, the need to have others think well of us is experienced like a drug addiction by many people.  When they achieve it they feel good for the moment, but it’s only a matter of time before they need another “fix.” At that point they become obsessed about getting it.

There are other “survival strategy” beliefs, such as What makes me good enough is doing things perfectly; what makes me good enough is being successful/wealthy (can you see now why some people are obsessed with this?); and what makes me good enough is taking care of others.  And it’s possible to have more than one.  But based on our experience in our private practice, “having people think well of me” is the most common.

It now should be clear why so many people are obsessed about what others think about them: Most people have the belief “I’m not good enough” (or some variation of it) and “having people think well of me” is the remedy most of us have found to cover up the anxiety that stems from having that belief.

If the obsession about having people think well of us is a direct result of having several beliefs, the way to get rid of the obsession is to get rid of these beliefs.

You can eliminate “I’m not good enough” using our free interactive web program atRecreate Your Life You also can buy a program there that will enable you to eliminate “What makes me good enough is having people think well of me,” as well as a number of other crippling beliefs.

Thanks for reading this post. Comments and questions are welcomed.

I post weekly at http://mortylefkoe.com

Morty Lefkoe

“As for worrying about what other people might think – forget it. They aren’t concerned about you. They’re too busy worrying about what you and other people think of them.”   — Michael LeBouef

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20 Responses to The Success Secrets: Stop Worrying About What Others Think!

  1. Anthony says:

    I am familiar with Morty. Nice guy! Most of the beliefs we have are unconsciously programmed into our brains/nervous system from birth until now. They are also incredibly subtle and powerful and a big part of how we interpret the events in our lives and how we deal with them! The good news is that one we learn how they operate, we can make them work for us rather than against them. Best to choose ones that work for us and eliminate the ones that don’t. Hypnosis, EMDR, NLP, meditation, and other kinds of work are great ways to pull them up out of hiding and deal with them.

    Anthony
    http://www.anthonylemme.com

  2. I know so many people who waste too much time and energy caring what others think. Life is just too short for that..

    It’s interesting to note that our beliefs about ourselves are established at such a young age.

    Sabrina Peterson, NASM CPT, CES
    Corrective Exercise for Every Body

  3. Couldn’t agree more. A internally centered point of view and strong self esteem eliminates this mess

  4. Oh dear, I couldn’t agree more but I also thought of myself with my own kids as you wrote about unrealistic expectations. I don’t think we are completely there but sometimes, you just lose your patience. Hopefully all of the other positive reinforcement makes up for our mistakes along the way.
    I have to say I have often been accused of not caring enough what others think!

    Jennifer

    Conquer Your Fear Here

  5. Andrew says:

    There’s probably a balance that needs to be achieved. You can’t completely ignore what others think, or you can end up becoming anti-social. It’s good to not obsess with what others think, though!

  6. Bryan says:

    Interesting post Morty…I’m going to stop by and check out the web site

  7. Eva says:

    It’s incredible how our minds are programmed from a very early age making us so dependent to others in a negative way…Is there any culture that helps its kids grow positively? Programming them to believe that they are good enough and can accomplish anything they want?

  8. G.E. Moon II says:

    Thank you for this great reminder to not get “caught up” with the little voices inside our heads (they usually just end up being such huge time wasters anyway). I truly enjoyed the article. I look forward to reading more.

    Yours In Health!

    G.E. Moon II
    http://www.AbundantHealthCenter.com

  9. Jandy Quismundo says:

    This is a very good. I especially agree with Lefkoe’s suggestion that being “obsessed” with living your life in a world of “you’re not good enough” is terrible torcher and ridding this obsession is freeing to the soul.

    Jandy
    http://www.hotfreshstyles.com

  10. Alec Grebis says:

    I see this everyday in people I deal with–that obsession of not being good enough for others just sucks the life out of them from the moment they begin to interact with people. Stopping that cycle would be powerful.

  11. Shane says:

    Excellent guest blog Michael. It’s that darn subconscious running the show behind the scenes again. These kinds of reminders are great so we can catch the subconscious in the act and turn it around.

    Shane
    Resources For the Independent Film Maker

  12. Hi Michael,

    Excellent points for REAL success so we actually aim for the success experience and goals that we truly want instead of the ideas and pictures for our lives that others have.

    Happy Dating and Relationships,

    April Braswell
    Single Baby Boomer Dating Expert

  13. Ron says:

    What you have said is very true, and i`m learning more and more each and evry day of my life.

  14. alam ghafoor says:

    So many people I come across who spend all their time worrying what everybody else thinks about them ..my advice those people are also worrying about what everybody else is thinking about them too fortunately all that programming can be de-programmed ..great post

    http://alamghafoor.com

  15. Dale Bell says:

    Today my wife had to get in front of a group of people and all day she was concerned about what they thought. I told her to forgett it because she was the only one thinking about what she said. Everyone else has other things to do than keep thinking about what we say.
    Dale Bell

  16. You’re right on the money that “what other people think of us” – or what we THINK other people are thinking about us, or MAY be thinking about us – can have such an impact. I have to admit I’m cringing because I’m thinking of my son who just turned 6. We try to balance out the negatives and no’s with positive input and telling him we are proud of him…but as a mother I can’t help but be concerned about what he is hearing and actually internalizing. I always endeavor to emphasize the positive but it can be a challenge sometimes!

    Karen Van Ness
    http://www.BestBreathingExercises.com

  17. People’s opinions of us are important: reputation, branding, etc. But they are one element in the whole mix. Great post!

    Eileen
    Social Media: Are You Making Global Friends and Followers

  18. Wow Michael, what a great guest post! I had no idea that our self-belief started so young and under those circumstances. Fascinating!

    EcoExpert
    Halloween is such fun! Show the world you care with these easy tips to make it green!

  19. Sonya Lenzo says:

    Excellent post, MDW…what a waste of our time we spend on this…me,too…and it only brings us sadness!
    Sonya Lenzo
    http://www.sunnyincostarica.com/costaricanstakebreak/

  20. Kevin Bettencourt says:

    Belief in yourself goes a long way.

    Las Vegas Air Conditioning Service & Repairs

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